Q: What has the process been like for you?
So far, we are about halfway through. The process has been fairly simple & straightforward...but I know that can change at any moment. We first had to attend a 3 hour orientation class of general information...most of which I already knew. I guess you could consider that the "weed out" course to make sure we really wanted to foster. Then we had to go to classes for two weeks straight (a 1 week break between the two weeks) from 5-9pm, somehow equalling 24 hours of training where talked about everything from the basic care of children, trauma in children, heard from a panel of long-time foster moms *and met some of their precious kiddos*, heard from two veteran parents whose children were once "in the system" and they earned their parental rights back, as well as information regarding fostering Native American children (which is unfortunately a larger population of children in our county). We have filled out MOUNDS of paperwork (one section of our paperwork was 22 pages answering personal questions about my life from birth to now...Brian had to do it, too!), and our first home study is scheduled for next week! WOOHOO!
Q: Are you going into it thinking about eventual adoption or just willing to open your home to a needy kiddo?
We are entering the world of being a foster family with open hearts. We are open to the option of adoption, but are also willing to provide safety & love for whatever time the child may need it. Our ultimate goal in any situation {although it may be extremely difficult in some situations} is reunification with birth family. Studies show that children {who have been in the system} are typically more emotionally stable when raised by family members, so that is always the states goal. When reunification is not an option, we will consider adoption on a case-by-case situation. We have been abundantly blessed with a happy, safe family and a wonderful home and know we are called to bless others.
Q: Can you discipline?
Any child that will enter our home will have experienced at least 3 types of trauma before walking in our door (and walking in our door alone will be another instance of trauma for children entering the foster care system). Therefore, we will want to carefully consider what type of redirection is used for foster children in our care. There is absolutely NO corporal punishment allowed, and for a child of trauma, I think one can understand why. The key is positive reinforcement and redirection.
Q: Can you take the child to church?
When we welcome a child into our home, they are immediately a part of our family, which means all activities, including vacations and church. Depending on the circumstances, we may choose to slowly integrate the child into our church (meaning maybe only attending parts of the service, or not taking the child to Sunday school or nursery, but case-by-case), but definitely, YES, we will take our child to church!
Q: Do you have to be open to random home visits?
I have not heard anything about random home visits. If (the trainers told us it's a matter of when) we are ever accused of anything against WACS (state law), they will call us to let us know they are coming over and will investigate. The trainers told us to expect "when" because all sorts of things can be reported, but many of them are not truly issues (or extremely minor that just get a slap on the wrist/quickly fixed) or are false reports by bio-parents, family, or friends.
Q: Will you be allowed to take and post pictures of the child on Facebook?
Yes! I'm so excited about this because I know this is not the case in other places! We can post pictures and share the child's name! The one thing you will never see me say is "our foster child, ______". We are never allowed to identify any child in our home as a foster child...even if you directly ask me if that is our foster child, I cannot say yes. Interesting, huh? So, for example, if I post a picture of our family {with the foster child} I cannot say "Our Family: Hubby, Sarah, Our Darling Girl, and our foster child, ______."
Q: What are you most scared of?
That is a hard question...in Washington (I don't know what it's like other places), foster parents are encouraged (but not required) to get to know the birth parents or family if they are an active part of the child's life. We are encouraged (but not required) to facilitate visits with the bio-family. At this time in our journey, I don't know how I feel about this. I have been in prayer TONS about this particular topic. Also, we are being licensed through an agency (vs straight through the state), so this may be different through the agency. So many people ask me if I'm afraid of having to "give the child back"....honestly, no. I'm not saying it won't be emotional, but I'm not afraid. When ODG was an infant, I was so terrified to let her sleep without me watching her breathe. My wonderful (and wise) mother-in-law asked me a simple question, "Is she yours?"...somehow I knew what she was asking and I answered "No, she's God's." She reiterated that God gives us our children to care for and love for a time, but we are all ultimately God's and He is watching out for each of us. I will NEVER forget that. I view inviting a foster child into our home similarly - a child may be in our home for a short time or become an official part of our family forever, but if he/she has to go to another home, I am trusting that God knows best...despite if I may feel differently about the child going to another home. We will pray (already have been) for protection over any child that enters our home, and our prayers includes asking for God's love & protection if that child ever leaves our home.
Q: Age, race, drug exposure willingness?
We are open to any age younger than Our Darling Girl (ODG). I know that not everyone who becomes foster families need to keep their biological or oldest child the oldest, but for us, we feel like this is necessary at this time.
We are open to any race, but will probably not be approved for Native American children for several reasons. First, the tribe ALWAYS looks for friends or family members within the original tribe of the child first. If a home is not available in the tribe, they will look to a neighboring tribe. In cases where a neighboring tribe cannot provide an appropriate home, Native children will be placed with non-native families who have knowledge, understanding, and dedication to preserving the tribal traditions & culture. Lastly, most of the tribes in our area that have children in the foster care system do not allow adoption, only legal guardianship, so that the child remains 100% part of the tribe (and for other reasons). Although we love Washington, we are uncertain of where God may move us in the future and would be absolutely heartbreaking for the child & us if we had provided care for a Native child then had to leave the state...without the child.
Drug exposure - there are only two "drugs" that are medically proven to potentially cause lasting illnesses - nicotine & alcohol. We are more than willing to provide care for children who have drug exposure (if it's not nicotine or alcohol, a child who has drug exposure in the womb may not need any extra medical care if that is their only medical issue at birth), but we will need to closely consider the added commitment on a case-by-case situation. Again, I want to reiterate that we are open to any child that we are asked to care for, but we will consider it (drug-related or not) closely with prayer & wisdom.
I love answering questions about our journey through foster parenting. I think it's one of those things that is not talked about openly or often enough and I want to do everything I can to break down those walls! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't hesitate to ask me more questions and I will do my best to answer. Thanks for being interested in our life and this new stage of our journey.
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